Part of Episode 2

Text-only Preview

INT. FAY'S HOUSE - KITCHEN
FAY
What the fuck did I get myself
into?
KAT
I have no idea. But you need to
chill the fuck out already. It's
been a week.
FAY
Someone kinda got their head
chopped off. You don't exactly
forget about that.
KAT
As much as I love your realist view
on the situations, we have to look
on the positive side.
FAY
You're going to have to help me out
on that one.
KAT
You have a team of highly skilled
and motivated human beings to help
you out.
FAY
Only because if you don't, you know
you're going to get killed too.
KAT
Exactly.
KAT's phone rings.
KAT (CONT'D)
Look who it is...
KAT (CONT'D)
You're late.
GENA (ON PHONE)
You're acting as if we actually
have to be somewhere right now.
KAT
Yeah, she said meeting at 10.
GENA (ON PHONE)
I thought she was kidding.

2.
KAT
Why the fuck would she be kidding?
GENA (ON PHONE)
I didn't think we'd really be
waking up so early like a bunch of
assholes.
KAT
We aren't a bunch of assholes,
we're a bunch of people trying to
figure out how to not die.
GENA (ON PHONE)
We're gonna die aren't we?
KAT
Only if we don't find a damn
solution.
GENA (ON PHONE)
That vacation to Russia is sounding
better by the minute. You know they
got teams out there?
KAT
Only ones with bears and lots of
volka.
GENA (ON PHONE)
When are we leaving?
KAT
I like it there too.
GENA (ON PHONE)
You're too sweet. Thank you.
KAT
You guys going to help me out here.
GENA (ON PHONE)
I'll see you guys later, okay?
KAT
Just remember you have a target on
your back as long as Fay is still
alive.
GENA (ON PHONE)
Tell her I said thanks.
KAT
She says thanks.

3.
FAY
Whatever.
KAT
Why do you have a target on your
back?
FAY
Soon as I find out, I'll let you
know.
KAT
Could it be about that job?
FAY
You never know. Some people are
just unstable like that.
KAT
Were you able to find anyone else?
FAY
Yes, but I was honest about the
situation, naturally no one wanted
to fuck with us.
KAT
Can't say I blame them. If they saw
what we're up against.
FAY
Well armed is an understatement.
KAT
What did you find?
FAY
None of the them are from around
here.
KAT
So they went out and get the
toughest people they could.
FAY
Exactly, like this bitch.
FAY shows her laptop screen.
KAT
Not a bad picture.

4.
(CONT'D)
FAY
Sioux Falls, South Dakota...
Impaled girlfriend with a toaster.
How does that work?
KAT
How are you a "suspected" serial
killer?
FAY
Lack of evidence.
KAT
I need a drink.
EXT. OFFICE - DAY
MICHELLE gets out of her car and starts walking towards the
front door.
MICHELLE
I fucking told you twice already.
Just shut up and let the lawyer
talk. That's what we pay him for.
MICHELLE (CONT'D)
Look, if I can stab your aunt and
make her pay ME for emotional
suffering, the man can do anything.
Don't be such a dipshit, all right?
MICHELLE (CONT'D)
Okay, Mommy loves you.
INT. OFFICE/HALLWAY
GLORIA
Please hold.
MICHELLE
Morning Gloria. You're look well
rested and not unattractive. Love
the hair.
GLORIA
Well, thank you. I feel great.

5.
MICHELLE
Your hair says you want to be wine
and dined, then ravaged sexually
but in a respectful loving way.
GLORIA
If you say so.
MICHELLE
I had hair like that once.
GLORIA
Oh.
MICHELLE
And don't worry about it. I made
sure that investigation hit a snag.
GLORIA
Thanks for that.
MICHELLE
I have a good lawyer. But that shit
you did to him. You learn that
somewhere?
GLORIA
I eat a lot of watermelon. Oh yeah,
it's that dude on the phone again.
MICHELLE
Who?
GLORIA
The one with the threats.
MICHELLE
More specific?
GLORIA
Barrett?
MICHELLE
Fucking Barrett. I'll give him
credit, he doesn't give up.
GLORIA
What do I tell him?
MICHELLE
Tell him we moved.
GLORIA
I tried that.

6.
MICHELLE
Well what's he saying?
GLORIA
I took a message, "I'm coming for
that ass."
MICHELLE
That's what my husband said on our
wedding night.
GLORIA
Did he?
MICHELLE
Couple of different words. But I
have a meeting to get ready for
so...
BARRETT
I told you I was coming for that
ass!
GLORIA
Don't you have someplace to be?
BARRETT
Um... in your ass?
MICHELLE
I think you need to buy me dinner
first.
BARRETT
I've waiting so long for this
moment.
MICHELLE
Are you going to handle this, or
should I?
GLORIA
You have a solution.
MICHELLE
I knew he'd bring his ass around
today.
BARRETT
I thought my approval would be...
MICHELLE
Shocking?

7.
BARRETT
No.
MICHELLE
You were going to say shocking.
Don't fuck with me. I know this.
BARRETT
You think you're so smart.
GLORIA
You can do something any time boss
lady...
BARRETT
Any last words?
MICHELLE
Catch.
MICHELLE throws a water balloon at BARRETT. He gets
electrocuted is now twitching on the floor.
MICHELLE (CONT'D)
Now I got shit to do. So feel free
to come back when you have and
better plan... and a clue.
GLORIA
Did you seriously have a stash of
water balloons?
MICHELLE
I like to be prepared.
MICHELLE goes into her office.
GLORIA
I'm just going to drag you outside
while you regain control of your
bowels.
BARRETT
Appreciated.
INT. ROLLER RINK
GENA, FAY, and KAT are just finishing up a practice.
KAT
You're trying way too hard.

8.
FAY
I don't want us to die.
KAT
Fair enough. Did anyone reply to
your e-mails?
FAY
Yup.
FAY turns who computer around to show an e-mail that says
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA".
KAT
Shit. That's not good.
FAY
Tell me about it.
GENA
Tell you about what?
KAT
Shit's sucking.
FAY
It's not sucking. It's just not
going the way I want it to.
GENA
So sucking. It's fucking sucking.
FAY
I got one more lead.
GENA
Who's this.
FAY
It's a guy named Barrett.
Apparently he's some sort of
badass. I've seen him all over
Reddit.
GENA
You just followed up "badass" with
"Reddit".
FAY
Yeah.
GENA
Think about that for a minute.

9.
FAY
Hey, you all we'll figure this out.
Just keep practicing.
GENA
Why? We still suck. What if we run
into those amazons again?
FAY
I dunno, you got money?
GENA
No.
FAY
Shit, well I know at least one of
them's a lesbian. Play on that.
GENA
I'm not flirting with lesbians.
FAY
When the time comes. Just consider
it.
GENA
Where are you going?
FAY
To get our guy.
KAT
Need some backup?
FAY
For where we're going. I think that
wouldn't be a bad idea.
KAT
I can provide the rap music.
INT. RESTAURANT
WAITRESS
Hey again!
MICHELLE
Do we have to go through this every
time I'm here.
WAITRESS
Yes.

10.
MICHELLE
Well, I'll just have the usual. And
my employee is coming, she'll have
the same.
WAITRESS
You sure you want that? I mean,
you're starting to put on a few,
I'll can see it in your face.
MICHELLE
Excuse me?
WAITRESS
Yeah, you're what? Twice my age.
MICHELLE
I'll accept that.
WAITRESS
I'm just saying, you could stand to
skip it.
MICHELLE
If you want to continue standing, I
suggest you get my steak.
WAITRESS
You're so funny.
MICHELLE
Hilarious. You should see my line
of work.
WAITRESS
Really?
MICHELLE
No. Go away.
WAITRESS
You're so cute.
MICHELLE
I swear to God if I wasn't on
parole...
GLORIA
Sorry I'm late, those fucking
locks.