Techniques for Self Coaching, Life Coaching and Personal Coaching

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TECHNIQUES
FOR PERSONAL
COACHING AND
SELF
COACHING
Dean Amory
311

Title: Techniques for Personal Coaching and Self Coaching
Compiled by: Dean Amory
[email protected]
Publisher: Edgard Adriaens, Belgium
[email protected]
ISBN: 978-1-4716-6888-3
(c) Copyright 2011, Edgard Adriaens, Belgium, - All Rights
Reserved.
This book has been compiled based on the contents of
trainings, information found in other books and using the
internet. It contains a number of articles and coaching
models indicated by TM or (c) or containing a reference to
the original author. Whenever you cite such an article or
use a coaching model in a commercial situation, please
credit the source or check with the IP -owner. If you are
aware of a copyright ownership that I have not identified or
credited, please contact me at: [email protected]
The greatest good you can do for another is not just to share
your riches, but to reveal to him his own. - Benjamin Disrael
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Cover picture: Sam & Jeffrey Adriaens - Fuenzalida
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TABLE OF CONTENTS
1 INTRODUCTION...............................................................316
3 TECHNIQUES FOR COACHING ..............................317
3.1. ACTIVE LISTENING ...................................................317
3.2. ASKING QUESTIONS ..................................................330
3.3 HERON'S 6 CATEGORIES OF INTERVENTION ....360
3.4 RESPONSIVENESS .......................................................362
3.5 GIVING FEEDBACK.....................................................364
3.6 FRAMING - REFRAMING ...........................................372
3.7 REALITY CHECK .........................................................383
3.8 SCALING TECHNIQUES.............................................385
3.9 EXTERNALISING OF PROBLEMS ...........................389
3.10 CREATING RAPPORT ...............................................393
3.11 COLLABORATION BUILDING ................................402
3.12 SAYING "NO"...............................................................422
3.13 I-MESSAGES ................................................................432
3.14 ADVISING .....................................................................440
3.15 CREATIVE THINKING ..............................................449
3.16 TURNING PROBLEMS INTO POSSIBILITIES .....491
3.17 SUMMARIZE, EVALUATE AND WRAP UP ...........498
3.18 ENACTING ...................................................................509
3.19 THE MIRACLE QUESTION.......................................525
3.20 SHARING INFORMATION........................................530
3.21 SELF DISCLOSURE ....................................................533
3.22 USING INTUITION......................................................542
3.23 RECOGNISE LIFE PATTERNS.................................550
3.24 BREAKING THE DRAMA TRIANGLE....................604
3.25 VOICE DIALOGUE .....................................................611
3.26 CONFRONTATION .....................................................615
3.27 PROVOCATION...........................................................632

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3.28 MINDFULNESS ............................................................638
3.29 HOMEWORK ...............................................................647
3.30 HUMOR .........................................................................648
3.31 RESPECT.......................................................................651
3.32 AFFIRM, COMPLIMENT, CELEBRATE ................655
3.33 PAYING ATTENTION ................................................661
3.34 TRUST............................................................................664
3.35 ALLOWING TIME AND SPACE ...............................666
3.36 COPING .........................................................................678
3.37 DIAGNOSING...............................................................688
3.38 THE PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT PLAN ..............697
3.39 TRACKING ...................................................................711
3.40 JOINING .......................................................................722
3.41 PARADOXICAL INTERVENTION...........................726
3.42 EMPTY CHAIR TECHNIQUE ...................................728
3.43 THE HUNGER ILLUSION..........................................730
3.44 VALIDATE, INTENSIFY, EMPHASIZE...................733
3.45 CHALLENGE EXISTING PATTERNS .....................747
3.46 SOLUTIONS AND SUCCESSES TO DATE ..............751
3.47 USING SUGGESTIVE COMMUNICATION............763
3.48 THE POWER OF "YES"..............................................784
3.49 VISUALIZATION.........................................................786
3.50 BORROWED GENIUS.................................................839
3.51 IMMEDIACY ................................................................843
3.52 CHALLENGING THE COACHEE ............................845
3.53 MODELLING................................................................850
3.54 PROBLEM ANALYSIS................................................858
3.55 POSITIVITY ................................................................864
3.56 HEAD ON COLLISION ...............................................867
3.57 TRANSFERENCE INTERPRETATION ..................870
3.58 PRIMAL THERAPY ....................................................873
3.59 FOCUSING....................................................................875

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Techniques for Personal
Coaching and Self Coaching

INTRODUCTION
This is the second in a series of three books about
Personal coaching.

Part 1, "Personal Coaching" is about what Personal
Coaching is and offers a surview of the most popular
models for Personal Coaching (or "Life Coaching") and
Self Coaching.

Part 2, "Techniques for Personal Coaching and Self
Coaching" introduces you to the most powerful coaching
techniques in use and describes the most successful
questions and strategies for coaching.

Part 3, "Essential Knowledge for Personal Coaches", is a
practical standard reference work highlighting the
knowledge and skills that are indispensable for anybody
who is considering life coaching as a career or as a
serious self coaching process,

Dean Amory's Complete Life Coaching and Personal
Coaching Course is your best guide for coaching your
coachees and yourself towards maximizing your life
potential and achieving a happier and more fulfilled life.
Personal Coaching is an invaluable training manual for
anybody who takes life coaching seriously.

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3.1 ACTIVE LISTENING
Listening is an art. A lot of people stop talking and in their
mind they're already trying to think of what they're going to
say next. That is not really listening. If you are (pre)occupied
with your own thoughts, then there is no room for the
coachee anymore. Not really.
And even if you are listening and not busy with your own
thoughts on the matter, listening is so much more than just
hearing the words and being able to repeat them. To get the
essence of what's being said -the words behind the words, is
just as important, if not more so. While the coachee is telling
his story, try to also listen for things like a slip of the tongue,
jokes, omissions, recurring themes, metaphors and
contradictions. They can speak volumes.
Apart from the intonations you can pick out the different
emotions in the coachee's voice. Body language and other
signals can strengthen or weaken the story. Contradictions
are called incongruence and the coach can either keep these
in mind or ask about them. Make sure you do this carefully,
so the coachee won't feel caught out.
In active listening, the coach has an open and alert attitude,
he's completely there for the coachee and is peeling his ears,
so to speak.
To listen empathically means the coach shows a lot of
understanding for what the coachee is experiencing and in a
way he manages to convey this warm understanding to the
coachee, who can appreciate it.
Before asking questions, we must learn to listen attentively
and effectively. Active listening includes a number of
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techniques: encouraging, paraphrasing, reflecting feelings,
and summarizing. But also other techniques are important.
Body language
Body language is important. Excessive eye-contact may be
felt as threatening. Not maintaining enough eye-contact on
the other hand might be interpreted as a lack of interest (e.g.
when listener is repeatedly looking at their watch or
documents on their desk!), or as an indication that the
listener is hiding information or is not sufficiently open or
honest. Body language includes (affirmative) head nodding
and the use of silence, which are powerful tools in any
conversation.
Gerard Egan describes the correct position for listening as
follows :
SOLER S : Sit squarely, face coachee
O: keep an Open posture
L: Lean forward when appropriate
E: maintain regular Eye contact (don't stare)
R: Relaxed body language
Show coachees that you are interested in the situations,
experiences and feelings that they are communicating and
that you care not only about what they are saying, but also
about how this affects them.
Encouraging
Humming, and short expressions like "Yes", "I see" ... are
used to confirm coachee that you are listening to him keenly.
These expressions also help them to understand which part
of their message is being appreciated and to elaborate on
that particular topic.
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